The grand design
by jwg676
Summary: A mission goes horribly wrong for our hero kakashi
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** The grand design

**Rating:** Action, romance

**Pairing / Characters: **Kurao Shizuko / Hatake Kakashi, Uzumaki Naruto, Genma, Tsunade

**Word Count: **2, 830 words

**Warnings: **Er… nothing really

**Summary: **A mission goes horribly wrong for our hero

**A/N: **Part two of my little "Kakashi arc"! As you'll notice, I've tried to portray Kakashi as a real man – someone who laughs and cries, who hurts, who loves, who is romantic yet ruthless, deadly and competent yet gentle with his students and the woman he loves. I think it's turning out rather well : )

"_Where has that old friend gone?_

_Lost in a February song_

_Tell him it won't be long _

_Until he opens his eyes_

_Opens his eyes"_

_Josh Groban, February song_

Kurao Shizuko sleepily stretched her hand out, expecting to feel the warmth of the man she loved, and was startled into full wakefulness by the cold sheets. Sitting up and blinking to clear the sleep from her eyes, Shizuko glanced around the small room.

'Kakashi? What –'

He was standing at the window, the pale moonlight giving his hair and skin an ethereal glow. As always, Shizuko found it difficult to believe that he was a warrior at times like this, when he seemed more like an angel who had lost his way.

She got out of bed and crossed the room, shivering at the coldness of the floor under her feet. Reaching Kakashi's side, she wrapped her arms around his waist, pressing her cheek against his shoulder blade.

'Hey.'

'Hey yourself,' Kakashi answered, sounding distracted. 'You should be sleeping, sweetheart.'

'So should you,' Shizuko said tartly. 'However, since neither of us are asleep, why don't you tell me what's wrong?'

Kakashi turned in her arms, studying her face. Her large grey eyes still held a trace of sleepiness, her blue-black hair was tousled, and there was a faint pink flush on her cheeks. Smiling, Kakashi dropped a kiss on her nose.

'I love you,' he said softly.

'I love you too, but what's going on? Kakashi, you're scaring me…'

The jounin turned back to the window. 'I'm sorry, that's not my intention.'

'I know,' Shizuko whispered. 'Please Kakashi, talk to me…'

'I'm leaving tomorrow morning – I have a mission. S-class, personally assigned to me by Hokage-sama herself. It's dangerous, possibly the most dangerous mission I've had in years and for the first time, I wish I didn't have to go. It's my duty, and if I'm successful, it will mean great things for Konoha. I would never say no but something about this is bothering me.'

'Kakashi…' Shizuko pressed a kiss to his bare shoulder, lips tracing a thin scar. 'Come back to bed, rest. You'll feel better in the morning.'

As she tugged him backwards, Kakashi laughed suddenly. 'You know Shizuko, for someone so small, you really are a bully.'

'But that's why you love me, remember?' Shizuko teased.

'Nah,' Kakashi told her cheerfully. 'It's more than that, Shizuko.'

Shizuko raised an eyebrow. 'Really?'

'Of course,' Kakashi told her, sounding hurt. 'I love you for your body as well.'

Shizuko's jaw dropped. 'Hatake Kakashi!'

Grinning broadly, Kakashi slid into bed, patting the spot beside him invitingly. 'I thought you wanted to come back to bed. Don't you know it's cold?'

Shizuko glared at him. 'You're hateful.'

'But that's why you love me,' Kakashi told her, reaching out and tugging her into bed.

However, long after Shizuko had fallen asleep, Kakashi was still awake, staring up at the shadows on the ceiling above their bed.

'Ne, ne, Kakashi-sensei,' Naruto called, flying over to the gates.

Kakashi turned. 'Naruto?'

Naruto beamed up at his sensei. 'I'm stronger now, you know. I've been training a lot lately.'

'I know that, Naruto. What does that have to do with me?'

Naruto grinned engagingly at him. 'Well, if you get into trouble, I'll come and help you. It's a promise.'

Kakashi rapped him over the head none to gently. 'Such arrogance, you little brat,' he said, a trace of laughter in his tone.

Naruto rubbed his head, scowling. 'Very funny, Kakashi-sensei.'

Kakashi chuckled. 'Don't worry so much, Naruto. I won't be gone long.'

'You'd better not be,' Shizuko told him sharply. 'I'll be waiting for you, don't forget it. Oh, and Kakashi?'

'Hmm?'

'Don't do anything stupid or I'll kill you myself.'

Kakashi looked wounded. 'Ouch, Shizuko. Would I do a thing like that?'

Shizuko glared at him. 'Oh, go on with you,' she said grumpily. 'You don't want to be late.'

Kakashi raised one hand and walked away. However, as he gathered himself and leapt up into the tree line, his smile faded.

There was every chance that this mission would kill him before Shizuko had the chance to.

Shizuko was unable to stop her tears from flowing as she watched him leave. In the past three or so months since their first meeting, he had left on many missions, but never before had she heard him as dispirited as he was the night before. She started when a small hand slid into her own.

'Naruto?'

Naruto glanced up at her. 'I made a promise, nee-chan. If anything happens I will go after him – and I never, ever go back on my words.'

Oddly comforted, Shizuko managed a smile through her tears. 'Thank you, Naruto.'

Naruto grinned up at her. 'Why don't we go eat some ramen?'

Kakashi dived beneath the swiftly falling door, rolling clear of the poison tipped spikes as they plowed into the ground.

His flak jacket hooked on the curved metal tip and Kakashi twisted his arm, freeing the material from the spike.

He swore suddenly as a sharp pain in his shoulder told him that he hadn't been as successful as he first thought in avoiding the poison, and he leapt to his feet, reaching into his weapons pouch and pulling out a handful of kunai.

He threw them towards the gate just as three shinobi appeared, and their screams of pain told him that his aim at least, had been successful.

Kakashi flew for the cover of the trees, hearing shouts behind him.

His arm was aching, and an icy numbness was beginning to seep through his muscles. Pausing briefly, he turned to assess the situation, and growled softly.

At least six enemy shinobi were pursuing him, and at the rate the poison was saturating through his system, he wasn't sure how long he would be able to hold out. Again, he reached into his weapons pouch and this time, withdrew several exploding tags. If he couldn't outrun them, he would at least delay them long enough to get to a safe distance to fight. Using a clone, Kakashi laid out the tags swiftly, before turning and heading off.

Already, his movements were beginning to lose their gracefulness.

In the shadows below him, a figure watched silently as the wounded jounin fled.

Naruto dropped the bowl he had been holding, and crossed over to the window, a frown on his face. He couldn't explain it, but something somewhere just felt… wrong. Grimacing, he picked up his hitae-ate and went to go and see Tsunade no baachan.

Tsunade sighed, and reached for her tea, glancing around before she sneakily poured a large amount of sake into the empty cup. Raising it to her lips, she was about to take a sip when a knock on the door startled her.

'Come in,' she called, swearing under her breath as she wiped up the spilt sake.

'Tsunade no baachan, I've got something I want to talk about.'

Tsunade glanced up at Naruto. 'Again? Really, Naruto –'

'It's not about Sasuke; it's about Kakashi-sensei.'

Tsunade's eyebrows shot up. 'What about him?'

'I'm worried. I think something is wrong. You have to let me go after him, Tsunade no baachan.'

Tsunade frowned. 'He can handle himself, Naruto. He's one of the elite after all.'

'That doesn't matter – the Third was Hokage and he died,' Naruto pointed out.

'And what do you think you can do? You don't know anything about the mission I sent him on.'

'It doesn't matter,' Naruto said firmly. 'Please? Please?'

Tsunade studied the seriousness in his expression, and relented. 'All right, go. You were going to anyway, weren't you? No, don't answer that. Come and look at this.'

Naruto crossed over to her table and glanced at the map she laid out.

'I would suggest you start here and work your way towards this area near the caves – there's a village there that he was supposed to infiltrate…'

It was as far away from the village as he was going to get. Narrowly avoiding a shuriken, Kakashi dived behind a tree for cover, contemplating his options. Running further was out of the question. His entire body ached now, the poison spreading faster with his movements. Two of the shinobi pursuing him had been lost to his exploding tags, but there were still four more. In his condition he wasn't sure how long he was going to hold out, but he had never given up, and didn't intend to start now.

Kakashi moved out from the cover of the trees slowly, hands at his sides.

At the sight of the clearly wounded leaf shinobi, his enemies laughed mockingly.

'The poison spreads quickly, doesn't it? Within an hour at the most, you will cease to exist – and all we have to do is to wait for you to die before we take back what belongs to us.'

'These belong to Konoha now,' Kakashi told them, surprised to hear how steady his voice was. 'If you want them, come and claim them!'

Without hesitation, the four of them came towards him at a dead run, and Kakashi's expression turned steely.

'Kanishibari no jutsu!'

The four nins froze in their tracks. 'What the hell –'

Kakashi didn't move, in actual fact, couldn't move. 'I just made sure that none of you could escape me,' he told them dismissively.

'Very nice, Kakashi-san,' a soft voice said from behind him.

Kakashi's eyes widened. Clearly, the poison had already begun to damage his mind, because he hadn't even sensed the speaker's presence until he had actually spoken.

'An ANBU technique if I recall – temporary paralysis, wasn't it?'

Kakashi didn't turn around. 'Well, I was an ANBU member, if you recall.'

'And very good at it you were too, Kakashi-san.'

'Were? I'm hardly past my prime, Itachi.'

Itachi laughed softly. 'You haven't forgotten me.'

'Of course not.'

Kakashi felt Itachi move towards him. 'How does a wounded man intend on killing four of his enemies?'

Kakashi grinned bleakly beneath the mask. 'I may be wounded, but you're forgetting what I'm capable of.'

Three seals that were too swift for even Itachi to follow, and Kakashi braced himself, gathering his chakra.

'Your only original technique… raikiri. I am impressed, Kakashi-san.'

Kakashi ignored him, and taking a deep breath, ran ahead, bringing his arm around. Neither of the nins saw it coming; just a silver and blue blur that cut through them so swiftly two of them were dead before they hit the ground.

Kakashi dropped to one knee, panting. Just a single raikiri and already the world was dimming. Shaking his head to clear his vision was a mistake, as a sharp pain shot through his temples. Kakashi's breath hissed out, and he clenched his fist.

'Wha – what are you doing here, Itachi?'

'I followed you,' Itachi told him calmly, activating his sharingan. 'I owe you a debt it seems, sharingan no Kakashi. I don't take humiliation lightly.'

Kakashi laughed softly. 'Are you still upset about that? Come now, Itachi, we're hardly children.'

Itachi just looked coldly at him, and Kakashi caught his breath at the sight of his mangekyou sharingan. Only once before had he fought against it, and he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he was in no condition to do so again.

'Tsukuyomi,' he whispered as the world around him went black and red.

Naruto slammed his fist into the tree trunk, a look of fury on his face. His dark red eyes surveyed the landscape below him where he had last seen Kakashi, and despite the numerous injuries he had sustained, he somersaulted backwards, landing on the ground between the trees. The grass was stained with blood, and there were signs of jutsu use everywhere.

Naruto's sense of smell had become sharper with the aid of kyuubi's chakra, and he could smell both the blood of the shinobi Kakashi had been fighting, as well as the blood of Kakashi himself.

Scowling, Naruto began to walk through the area, looking for signs of his sensei.

Shizuko paced her little shop restlessly, swiping at the tears that streaked down her cheeks. Only hours ago she had seen Naruto running towards the gates, and she had known, had felt that something was wrong, remembering Naruto's promise that he had made.

'Oh Kami, please don't let anything happen to him,' she prayed aloud, unable to still the fears rising in her heart.

It had barely been five hours when an orange blur shot past her shop. Startled, Shizuko ran out, wondering why Naruto was back in Konoha without Kakashi. Fearing the worst, she locked up and ran down towards the gates.

A shinobi was standing there, a senbon in his mouth. He glanced at her, brown eyes filled with some nameless emotion as she said 'Pardon me – did I just see Naruto come past?'

The shinobi shook his head. 'Not him, his clone.'

Shizuko's eyes filled with tears all over again. 'I knew it, I knew it – something's happened to Kakashi…'

Straightening, the shinobi now surveyed her carefully. 'You know Kakashi?'

'He's my – my –'

Genma blinked. 'Hold on, are you Shizuko?'

'Yes… '

'Kakashi's told us about you,' Genma told her, pulling her into the shade of guard stand. 'Perhaps you'd like to wait here? I think Tsunade-sama is sending out a team to fetch him.'

Shizuko glanced up at him. 'Is – is it that bad?'

'I don't know,' Genma answered honestly. 'We need to wait for the news first – Naruto didn't tell me anything.'

'Oh my god…'

'Shizuko-san, listen to me. Please don't worry – if I know Hokage-sama, she'll send out the best shinobi to his aid. Gai and Asuma and Anko are among our elite jounin, and they'll be able to recover him soon.'

Shizuko nodded, already feeling the tension tightening the muscles of her neck and shoulders.

The door of her office was slammed open, and Tsunade winced. 'What the hell –'

The rest of her sentence died on her lips when she saw Naruto, the chakra of the nine tails swirling around him. His expression was frantic.

'Tsunade no baachan – I need help – you have to come quickly – Kakashi-sensei is dying!'

'What?' Tsunade got to her feet, a horrified expression on her face. 'What are you talking about?'

'I don't know what's wrong with him! He's unconscious and I can smell something funny on him but I don't know what it is – and his heartbeat is slowing down… and he's hurt! There's blood and cuts and –'

'Why didn't you bring him back with you?' Tsunade demanded.

'I thought it was safer to send a clone! Someone has to stay with him!'

The Hokage blinked. 'You're a clone? I should have realized it…'

As she spoke she was moving, grabbing several bandages, ointment, and a blanket, bundling everything together and throwing it into a bag.

'Tsunade no baachan – there's something else… I could feel someone else there… and I recognized him…'

'Who? You recognized who?'

'Uchiha Itachi…'

Tsunade blanched. 'Itachi? Oh dear god, this makes even more sense now –'

'What is it? What makes sense?' Naruto asked, not liking to see the Hokage so rattled.

Tsunade turned troubled eyes on him. 'There was something off with this mission from the start – I didn't even want to send Kakashi out there, but I had no choice. You know how things are, and Kakashi is one of our best… but now… Naruto, Itachi bears a grudge towards Kakashi. If Kakashi was taken by Itachi, we may never find him. Not only that but if we do, it could already be too late. Kakashi is the only one here who survived Itachi's Tsukuyomi, but even the elite copy ninja may not be able to withstand it a second time. You and I both know the results of the first time he faced it.'

Naruto blinked. 'Moon of the underworld?'

Tsunade inclined her head. 'Yes. Naruto, we have to leave now – we're running out of time. The first available jounin I see is coming with us, and you're going to have to take us straight there. I'm counting on you, brat!'

The two of them ran flew out of her office, past a startled Shizune, a wide eyed Kotetsu and Izumo, and down the stairs. The first person they saw coming out of a bookstore, Lee in tow, was Gai.

Tsunade grabbed his arm. 'Gai, emergency,' she said crisply. 'Come with us.'

Gai didn't even blink. 'Right behind you.'

With Naruto in the lead, the three of them ran past the gate guards, not even noticing Shizuko or Genma, the latter whose jaw dropped.

'Hokage-sama…'

Shizuko was on her feet, watching them go, hand pressed against her heart.

Genma took her arm. 'Shizuko, I was wrong… she didn't just send our best – she went herself…'

'Hurry,' Shizuko whispered. 'Oh Kami, please hurry…'


	2. Chapter 2

**Title:** The grand design

**Rating:** Romance

**Pairing / Characters: **Tsunade, Gai, Naruto, Hatake Kakashi / Kurao Shizuko

**Word Count: **4, 322 words

**Warnings: **Spoilers for Kakashi's past

**Summary: **Kakashi returns to Konoha, gravely injured in spirit and body, Shizuko's love is the answer to his healing

**A/N: **Actually, this turned out a lot better than I thought. Much, much, much, much better. I'm impressed!

FOR PATRICK, MY OWN KAKASHI…

It was several hours before Shizuko saw them return. Naruto looked tired, as did their Hokage. Gai was carrying a slender, motionless figure and even at a distance, Shizuko could see Kakashi's distinctive silver hair.

'Kakashi… Kakashi!'

Before Genma could stop her, she ran forward, her only thought to get to his side and make sure that he was alive.

Tsunade saw the young woman run forward, and although she didn't recognize her, the tears in the large grey eyes spoke volumes. As she neared, Tsunade grabbed her arms.

'Easy…'

Shizuko stared into the Hokage's face. 'Is he… I mean, please don't tell me…'

Tsunade understood. 'He's alive, but gravely injured. I've done emergency treatment, and I'll continue to treat him at the hospital. Come, you can stay with him. He'll need someone there when he wakes up.'

Naruto touched her hand. 'Shizuko nee-chan – I kept my promise, see?'

'I do see, Naruto… thank you.' Shizuko bent down and hugged the boy swiftly, but at the mention of her name, Tsunade's eyes widened.

'Shizuko? Ah, so you're the one – '

'I'm sorry, I'm what?'

'Kakashi talks about you often, Shizuko-san,' Tsunade said gently.

Shizuko looked startled. 'That's what Genma-san told me – but I'm not sure why everyone sounds so surprised…'

As they walked, Tsunade wondered how to explain. 'Since I've come to know Kakashi, he's kept his life a mystery. He's been so touched by tragedy that it's hardly surprising, but about three or four months ago, I noticed a change in him – we all did. He was happier, more open, less …introspective. I imagine he's told you some of his past?'

'Not all of it,' Shizuko answered honestly, unable to believe that she was talking to her Hokage.

'Well, I'm sure he will in his own time. At the moment, his body and his mind have been damaged, and I know he'll need someone who cares enough to stay with him, to help him.'

'I love him.'

Tsunade turned from the bed and subjected Shizuko piercingly. 'I hope you'll find that's enough, child.'

Shizuko straightened. 'We've never talked about what he's done on a mission or what happened in the past, but it doesn't matter to me. I love him for who he is, not what he's done.'

Tsunade laid her hands on either side of Kakashi's head. 'The life of a shinobi can be very lonely, Shizuko. Whatever Kakashi has faced, he's done it alone.'

'I know he finds it difficult to talk to me about his life. We've talked about some things – I know his father committed suicide, and I know his best friend was killed in a mission – but Kakashi never told me everything. I could see how much it was hurting him, and I didn't press the issue. Hokage-sama – nothing Kakashi could say or do would ever make me change my mind. I love him.'

Tsunade smiled then. 'In that case, I know it will be enough. Shizuko – I want you to listen to me. You're not a shinobi, I'm not sure how much you know of ninjutsu or genjutsu but there is something I need you to understand.'

'My brother was a shinobi, Hokage-sama. I know the basic principles of fighting.'

'I see. How much do you know about genjutsu?'

Shizuko shrugged as Tsunade moved to the other side of the bed. Reaching out, she took Kakashi's cold hand between her own, rubbing it gently.

'Some,' she admitted. 'It's a powerful technique that places a shinobi's mind under someone else's control. Am I right?'

'Yes. While under genjutsu, the user can make a shinobi relive the worst moments of his life over and over again, or make him experience things that are the stuff of nightmares. Sadly enough, for some, those nightmares are real and for Kakashi –'Tsunade gently stroked his hair away from his face, 'he's lived through more horror than many shinobi his age. Kakashi grieves for lost lives and lost souls, and the genjutsu he was placed under… I don't know the details, but it will be difficult to pick up the pieces.'

'He won't be alone, Hokage-sama,' Shizuko said firmly.

Tsunade watched as Shizuko pulled her chair closer to the bed, holding his hand up to her cheek.

'I'm here, Kakashi,' she whispered. 'I'll never leave you alone, never…'

Silently, the Hokage slipped out of the hospital room.

Late that night, the nightmares began.

Shizuko, who had fallen asleep in the chair beside his bed, woke up to hear his anguished whispers and half forgotten pleas.

'No… daddy no… please don't leave me alone… daddy, don't do it…'

Wide awake, Shizuko kicked off her shoes and slid into the bed beside him, pulling his unresisting form into her arms, cradling him gently.

'Hush… hush, sweetheart… I'm here; everything is going to be ok… I love you…'

At her voice he quieted, but moved restively until she rubbed his back. Her touch calmed him immediately, and Shizuko held him close, wondering what it was that had made him so unhappy.

'Obito! No! No…'

Shizuko flew across to the bed as the nightmares started again. Fearful, she pulled him close, trying to soothe him, but he struggled against her touch, caught between waking and sleeping.

'Let go… let go…'

'Kakashi, it's all right, calm down…'

'Let go of me!'

Shizuko cried out as he grabbed her arm with surprising strength, twisting it and almost throwing her away from the bedside. She fell hard against the machines in the corner, jolting her wrist painfully.

Kakashi was sitting up, and as she lifted her head, he turned to look at her. She could see the rage in his eyes turn to confusion, and then to horror when he saw her awkward position on the floor.

'Oh god, Shizuko…'

Tossing back the blankets, he slid out of bed and knelt down beside her, too afraid to touch her, knowing that he had hurt her.

Shizuko lifted her hand and gently touched his cheek, and Kakashi flinched. 'Don't –'

'Don't what? Touch you?'

'I hurt you…' there was a raw note in his voice that she hadn't heard before, and it made her heart ache.

'It was an accident, Kakashi, don't worry so much, I'm not hurt…'

Kakashi touched her wrist with a hand that shook. 'Don't lie to me,' he whispered. 'Your poor wrist is so swollen…'

Shizuko laughed softly. 'You should have seen it two days ago when the bookshelf collapsed. It was even worse!'

'Again?' Kakashi asked before he could stop himself. 'We need to get that fixed…'

'I know. Oi!'

Taken aback, Kakashi stared at her. 'Er… what?'

Shizuko glared at him. 'Bed, Hatake Kakashi. Do not make me drag you kicking and screaming. The last thing I want is for you to get sick again.'

Kakashi got to his feet, and held out his hand to her, almost expecting her to pull away. Shizuko took his hand without hesitation, and he pulled her to her feet.

'Are – are you sure you're not upset? I wouldn't blame you –'

'The only thing that I'm upset about is that you keep apologizing to me! I'm fine, you hear me? Now get your sweet self back into bed before I do it myself!'

Kakashi decided not to argue, and meekly got back into bed, allowing Shizuko to fuss over him, straightening his blankets and fluffing his pillows.

'Now, I want you to sleep, and get better.'

Kakashi reached out and took her hand. 'Shizuko…'

'Hmm?'

'Please don't go.'

'I'm not going anywhere,' she told him simply.

'_Kakashi… I've been looking for you.'_

'_Sandaime? What's wrong?'_

'_Come over here; let's sit down for a moment.'_

'_Have I done something?'_

'_No, of course not. There's something I need to tell you, Kakashi, and there's no easy way to do it. Arashi is dead.'_

'_Wha – what? Arashi-sensei is… dead? How? When?'_

'_Last night, Arashi sealed the nine tails into a baby boy, Kakashi. The seal – and his pact with the death god – killed him.'_

'_No… please tell me this is a joke…'_

'_Kakashi, I'm sorry, I wish I could. He asked me to pass a message on to you before he died.'_

'_A – a message?'_

'_He loves you, Kakashi, and he's proud of you and everything you've accomplished…'_

Kakashi awoke, staring up at the ceiling above his bed, startled to feel tears on his cheeks. The death of the Fourth had haunted him for many, many years, but as most things did with time, the grief he had felt had faded away, leaving him with an empty spot in his heart that could never be filled. Although Kakashi had never forgotten Arashi, he hadn't thought if him in years, until Itachi's Tsukuyomi had forced him to relive that moment over and over again.

Kakashi turned his head, wiping his eyes.

Shizuko was curled up in the chair beside his bed, and Kakashi's heart twisted at the signs of tiredness he saw on her face, the dark circles under her eyes, the lines of strain around her mouth.

He shifted, stretching his hand out towards her, brushing a strand of hair away from her face.

For some reason she was still with him, and he didn't know why when he had pushed her away, yelled at her, thrown things, and acted completely out of character. He knew he was hurting her, knew that there was a strong possibility that he was killing everything she felt for him, but he didn't know how to stop. Deep inside, the hurt that he had hidden for so long was festering, and as desperate as he was to talk about it, to allow his guilt and pain and sorrow to pour out, he couldn't.

The worst part of it all was that he couldn't even apologize to her, couldn't even tell her that it was the last thing he wanted to do to her. He had no right to ask her for so much patience, to ask for her forgiveness, and it hurt more than his memories did.

He had been in the hospital for three days, they had told him, since Naruto had saved his life.

Although he would never have told Naruto, a part of Kakashi wished that he had died.

'Ne, Kakashi-sensei.'

Kakashi turned from where he had been standing at the window, taking a break from stretching the muscles in his arm. While Tsunade still hadn't released him from her care – she had refused to let a nurse do it, and had been in every few hours or so since he had been brought in to check up on him – there had been no restrictions on getting himself back into shape.

'Naruto? What's the matter?' he asked, frowning as he took in the serious look on Naruto's face.

'I did it wrong, didn't I?'

'Did what wrong?'

Naruto scuffed the floor moodily. 'When I saved you,' he mumbled.

Alarmed, the jounin moved swiftly around the bed and knelt down before his youngest student.

'Of course not! Why would you even think that?'

Naruto looked away. 'Because you're still in hospital,' he muttered. 'Tsunade no baachan is worried about you, Gai-sensei is worried, even Shizuko nee-chan is worried. I don't know what to do but I keep thinking that maybe you wanted – wanted to…'

'Naruto, listen to me,' Kakashi said firmly. 'I'm not in hospital for any of the reasons you're thinking, but Hokage-sama wants to keep an eye on me. You know about Itachi's Tsukuyomi and what it can do, and she's just concerned that my mind isn't fully healed.'

'But it isn't, is it?' Naruto asked miserably. 'You look so sad every time I come and see you, and Sakura-chan says you haven't been eating.'

Kakashi was furious with himself, and it showed.

'I – I'm sorry, Kakashi-sensei – '

'Don't apologize, Naruto. I'm grateful to you, even if it doesn't seem like it. None of this is your fault; I should be the one apologizing. You've done so much for me and I've repaid you very poorly for it. I'm sorry, Naruto.'

Naruto blinked up at Kakashi, startled. 'Er… it's ok…'

Kakashi laughed softly. 'Don't look at me like that, brat.'

Naruto scowled immediately. 'Don't keep calling me a brat!'

Kakashi ruffled his hair absently. 'Naruto – will you do me a favor?'

'Ok, what is it?'

'Please will you find Shizuko and ask her if she'll come and see me? I really need to talk to her.'

Naruto cocked his head. 'Come to think of it, I haven't seen her in a while. Did she go somewhere?'

'You could say that,' Kakashi answered quietly.

Naruto beamed up at his sensei. 'I'll go find her right away!' he said, and ran out before Kakashi could respond.

The silver haired jounin got to his feet, feeling an odd combination of nerves and tension. Crossing the room silently, he leaned against the window, staring down into the grounds with unseeing eyes, remembering the last conversation he'd had with her.

'_I don't want you here!'_

'_Tough! I'm here to stay and it's time you realized that!'_

'_Shizuko, stop being so stubborn! Go home, go to your bookshop, just get out!'_

'_Hatake Kakashi, love doesn't go away whenever you feel like it!'_

'_That's not the point, dammit! You shouldn't even be here!'_

'_I want to be here! I want –'_

'_It doesn't matter what you want, I can't have you here! I can't have you hovering around every time I have a nightmare or whenever I wake up! Why the hell can't you see that?'_

'_Because I love you! Love, Kakashi! It's an emotion you feel for someone who means something to you! It's not an emotion you can just put away whenever you want!'_

'_I told you that emotions don't come easy to me! I don't know what to do with them!'_

'_Maybe it's time you learned, Kakashi.'_

'_Don't you think I've been trying? Do you think I enjoy living like a tool?'_

'_Maybe you do, I wouldn't know. Why can't you feel? Talk to me, Kakashi, cry! Laugh! Get angry! Whatever happened, it's time to move on!'_

'_You still don't see it, do you? I buried my emotions the day my father took his life in front of his only child. I don't want to feel!'_

'_Kakashi –'_

'_I hurt people, even when I don't want to. Look at what I've done to you – if this is what it is to feel then I would rather die right here!'_

'_Kakashi, listen to me –'_

'_No! Get out! Just get out of my sight and leave me alone!'_

He could still see the expression on her face as a horrified nurse had burst into the room and virtually dragged Shizuko out, scolding her all the while for exciting a patient who badly needed his rest. That had been two days ago, and Kakashi hadn't seen her since.

'All I do is chase away the people I love,' he whispered to the room. 'Oh, Obito…'

'Kakashi?'

Kakashi was badly startled by the quiet voice, startled enough to actually jump.

He turned his head, shock still etched on his features, to see Shizuko hovering anxiously in the centre of the room.

'You look terrible, Kakashi.'

'I haven't really been sleeping,' he admitted.

Shizuko crossed the room and put her hands on his shoulders. 'Are you crazy? You need to rest, Kakashi! You need to sleep!'

'I need you.'

His painfully quiet admission made her freeze in place.

'Oh, Kakashi…'

'You never came back,' he burst out. 'I thought that this time I had chased you away for good, that I was never going to see you again, that you wouldn't want to come back, that someone else I loved was going to leave me –'

Shizuko's heart melted. 'I wanted to come back, Kakashi, but –'

'But I kept you away.'

Shizuko slapped his arm. 'Would you listen to me for a second? It wasn't you, it was that dragon of a nurse! If Naruto hadn't seen her chase me away for what must have been the fourth or fifth time in the last two days, I wouldn't be standing here!'

Kakashi blinked. 'What does Naruto have to do with a nurse?'

'Not the nurse, you idiot. He knew another way into the hospital – apparently he snuck out whenever he was forced to stay here.'

The icy lump in his chest melted slowly. 'Shizuko…'

Shizuko pushed him backwards onto the bed, and he sat down on the edge, pulling her close. His hands large hands wrapped around her smaller ones, rubbing them gently, almost unthinkingly.

'There's something I want to tell you,' he began uncertainly. 'I love you, Shizuko. You make my life worth living, even if I don't show it or say it. since I met you, things have changed for me. I don't go home to an empty apartment every night, I don't have to stay in my office or the staff room if I feel like company, because you're there. I keep expecting to wake up and find that I've been dreaming, that you're not real, only a part of my imagination.'

Shizuko didn't interrupt him, listening to his voice with an expression of wonder. How long she had prayed to hear those words she wasn't sure. She knew he loved her; Kakashi wasn't a particularly demonstrative man, but she had hoped, longed to hear him say that to her and now…

'I know I'm a difficult person to be around, believe me, but it's not my intention. My past… has had more influence on the person I am today than anything else – and that's what I wanted to talk to you about. My – my father may have killed himself, but there was someone else I loved more than anything else. He was my sensei, Arashi – and the Fourth Hokage. When he died, I felt like a part of me had died with him – and I had already lost Obito to my own stupidity months before. My father's death had made me arrogant, Shizuko, and in my high handedness, I got Obito killed because I didn't know better. No, he corrected, 'I didn't want to know better.'

'It must have been difficult,' she volunteered quietly.

Kakashi's lips quirked beneath his mask. 'It was. Not just losing them but knowing that it was my fault that Obito died…if I had been faster, stronger, better…' his voice shook. 'If I hadn't been so blinded by my hatred of my father I could have saved both him and Rin. Yes, Shizuko, I hated him. I hated him with every ounce of passion in my six year old soul. I wished that I could have killed him myself, especially when I saw all the pitying looks people directed at me… I didn't know what I hated more. But Arashi-sensei never ever treated me like the others did – he saw something better in me, something that I didn't know I could be until Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke became my team.'

Kakashi took a deep breath. 'He made me human, Shizuko. I didn't have to do anything around him, I didn't have to say a word, but he had a way of comforting me with his presence. He cared – and then he died and I was alone again. Until you came along, I truly believed that I would never find someone to share my life with, let alone someone who was capable of understanding why I am what I am. After all, there are very few people outside of the shinobi ranks who can say they know what it's like and mean it…'

Kakashi didn't realize that he was crying until Shizuko sat down beside him, pulling him into her arms, gently easing his head down until it rested on her shoulder. Rocking to and fro gently, she murmured soft words of comfort, not preventing his grief from spilling out, but encouraging it.

'You'll be all right,' she whispered. 'I won't leave you, I'll never leave you. I love you, I love you… you can trust me…'

In that moment, Kakashi knew that he could.

Deep laughter echoed through the silent hallways of the hospital as two figures walked past the rooms hand in hand.

'He didn't. Please tell me he didn't.'

Shizuko wiped tears of laughter from her eyes. 'He did, Kakashi, you should have seen it. I thought he was going to drop dead there and then, but no, he carried on as if nothing was wrong. I've never seen anything like it…'

'And you never will,' Kakashi told her, shuddering. 'I'll do it myself next time. I trust him, but the sight of a beautiful woman combined with his idiotic condition if he "fails" has a very strange effect on him – remember the dango balls?'

Now Shizuko shuddered. 'Please don't remind me.'

'Where do you think you're going, Hatake Kakashi?'

Kakashi turned, a broad smile clearly visible through his mask. 'Hokage-sama!'

Tsunade planted her hands on her hips. The laughter had reached her ears before she had even seen them, and she was more relieved to hear it than she wanted to let on.

'I suppose you want to be discharged?'

Kakashi opened his mouth to speak, but Tsunade flapped her hand at him.

'Well, go on then, this is a hospital after all. I don't have room for people who aren't sick.'

Kakashi chuckled, squeezing Shizuko's hand. 'Thank you, Hokage-sama,' he said, bowing.

Tsunade laughed. 'Go on, get.'

As they walked away, her own smile widened until she felt her cheeks ache when she saw Kakashi pick Shizuko up and suddenly swing her around until her laughter rang out.

It was raining again, but neither of them noticed – or if they did, they didn't care. Side by side, Kakashi and Shizuko walked through the near-deserted streets of Konoha, just enjoying each other's company.

'I was thinking,' Kakashi said unexpectedly.

'Oh? What about?'

'Moving.'

Shizuko lifted an eyebrow. 'Moving.'

Kakashi nodded. 'Yeah, moving. My apartment seems too small for some reason.'

Shizuko had butterflies in her stomach, but she said calmly 'Well, it really is. How you live there is a mystery to me, Kakashi. You should have moved years ago.'

'Very funny. There's a house near the jounin offices that's become available. It has a garden, and it's fairly large – enough for – for a family…'

Shizuko was having trouble breathing. 'A… a family?'

'A little girl… or a little boy… someone with her mother's eyes or –'

'Her father's penchant for getting into trouble.'

Kakashi stopped dead and faced her. 'Something like that,' he agreed so softly Shizuko could barely hear him over the rain. 'Kurao Shizuko… will you do me the incomparable honor of marrying me? Of growing old with me? If you can put up with having a jounin for a husband, and knowing what kind of missions I face…'

Shizuko clapped a hand over his mouth. 'Yes. Oh, Kakashi, yes…'

Overwhelmed with joy, Shizuko buried her head in his shoulder as he hugged her tightly.

'Enter!'

Kakashi pulled open the door and stepped inside Tsunade's office.

'I hope I'm not disturbing you, Tsunade-sama,' he said politely.

'Not at all, Kakashi, not at all. Is there a reason you wanted to see me?'

'Yes. I came to request a leave of absence.'

Tsunade blinked. 'A leave of absence? Might I ask why?'

Kakashi couldn't help the smile that crept across his face. 'A wedding. Mine, to be exact.'

Tsunade dropped her inkbrush. 'You're marrying Shizuko?'

'Yes. And we'd like you to be there.'

Tsunade laughed aloud. 'Believe me Kakashi, if you hadn't invited me, I would have come anyway. I wouldn't miss this for the world. Leave of absence granted.'

Kakashi bowed. 'Thank you,' he said, laughing suddenly. 'Its next week Wednesday, in the morning.'

'You're excited, aren't you?'

'Well, it's not every day you get married, is it?'

Kakashi winked cheekily at her, and disappeared from her office.

The wedding of Hatake Kakashi and Kurao Shizuko was celebrated by every genin, chuunin and jounin Konoha had to offer, as well as a little over half of its civilian population.

Tsunade and Jiraiya watched the proceedings with teary eyes, Jiraiya blaming Tsunade for making him cry, and Tsunade blaming the wedding itself. However tears soon turned to laughter when Kakashi teasingly told Gai that their competition now stood fifty one to fifty, in favor of himself. When Gai demanded to know what had happened to change the score, Kakashi had slid an arm around a radiant Shizuko's waist, and told Gai to come and see him when he found a wife for himself.

Naruto and Sakura, both of whom had served as Kakashi's and Shizuko's attendants, had doubled up with laughter at the expression on his face, and after a minute, Kakashi's own laughter joined theirs.

It was later said (and the rumors only reached Kakashi's ears days afterwards) that the wedding's tender simplicity had made many women fall for the silver haired jounin immediately, and certain women who were already head over heels for him plotted their suicides directly as vows were being exchanged.

Naturally, Shizuko ignored the rumors – and the women – with all the grace she could muster, which wasn't difficult when Kakashi had turned to her – sans mask for the first time EVER – and kissed her lovingly.

_The joy that filled Kakashi's heart and soul was only deepened when a year later, Shizuko gave birth to his son, a baby boy with a shock of silver hair, named in honor of the man Kakashi considered to be family._

_Little Hatake Obito had wound Kakashi around his little finger before the jounin had even realized it._

"_Where has that old friend gone?_

_Lost in a February song_

_Tell him it won't be long_

_Until he opens his eyes_

_Opens his eyes… "_


End file.
